Queer Eye for the Straight Guy

I only watched the TV show, "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy," a couple of times, but I have to say that I agree with its premise: that when it comes to matters like style and grooming, gay men know what they are doing, and straight men are clueless.

Let's just take haircuts or hair styles. I used to observe, on the commuter train, that so many men had just dreadful haircuts. I'm sure these guys go to barbers (no barber has cut my hair for maybe 40 years) and get a very poor haircut. You have to wonder why their wives don't tell them and try to get Hubby to get a better haircut. (Well, come to think of it, it probably wouldn't do any good—although these same men are ruled by their wives when it comes to clothes. What percentage of men let their wives pick out their clothes? Do I have to tell you?)

Today I had my hair cut. I go to a stylist. Most of those chain or franchise haircut places aren't very good; their people either can't or won't cut my hair the way I expect it. Nevertheless, one of those outfits--maybe a little better than its competitors-- is where I've been having my hair cut for some months now. I've generally been satisfied with the cut I get there or, you can be sure, I wouldn't go there. 'Cause I'm a gay man and I care about things like how my hair looks. (But, so as not to be over-generalizing, let me admit that I have some geeky gay friends who are just as bad as any straight.)

As I was waiting for my stylist to finish another customer, I was watching the cut this guy was getting: Very closely trimmed on the sides, with the clippers, and longer on top. I thought it was very unbecoming. There's no excuse for a haircut like that unless you're in the Marines. I was considering saying to the stylist, When a guy comes in and asks for a cut like that, you should tell him that you can't do it, because it's illegal.

And, as my hair was being cut, I saw a fairly nice-looking dude come in and sit in the chair of another stylist. His hair, I thought, looked good just the way he had it when he came in. But with this one, too--out came the clippers, and after a bit of buzzing, his hair was too short to look good on him. Little short of a tragedy. Gawd, I wish I could tell these people what they don't seem to be able to see.

And while we're on men's hair, let's talk about facial hair. It's been the fashion for some time for younger guys to have these "goatees" (the quotes are because that term properly applies to a pointed beard, like a goat's). I think that, in about 96% of cases, these are not becoming. Darker-haired guys, like Latinos, often look very sinister with moustaches and goatees. And the guys with lighter hair, if they have a longish tuft of hair on their chins, it simply looks disgusting.

Many guys have long hair together with full beards. Hair just surrounds their faces. There was one like that at a place I was working. Every time I passed him, I wanted to say, Too much hair!

So, sadly, straight guys just can't judge what is or is not good for their appearance. Now, when do I get on that TV show?

Copyright © 2009 by Richard Stein